The Smash Sheet 45

First off wanted to thank everyone for being patient as we got the blog back up and running! We finally got everything settled and close to where we want it! Today's Smash Sheet topic stems from good ol' Jim Ross' latest blog where he addressed the lack of available people who could be managers in the WWE and (to a lesser extent) wrestling as a whole. Here's good ol' JR's quote from his blog.

Ross on managers:

"People ask me all the time why there are no great managers on TV anymore, why no more "Heenans," etc and the answer is simple….talents like Bobby Heenan come along once in a lifetime, plus where would these future managers be trained? I have my thoughts on this matter, including if a talented but perhaps smaller individual who can verbalize and has some athleticism about them, that they should be in Tampa being schooled on the art form of being a successful wrestling manager."

Give me a BREAK!!! Are you kidding me? This is such hogwash it's not even funny. I guess the same can be said for new announcers, right Jim? The reason why they can't find someone to replace Mike Adamle from ECW or you from RAW (A move that Vince McMahon has wanted to do since he fired YOU the 2nd time), right? There are 'no more Heenans' around? You have got to be kidding me!

Don't get me wrong - I loved Heenan. And still do. Even with his messed up jaw, when he appeared on television, he still always said something great. And I agree that there may never be another "Heenan" per se. But that is certainly setting the bar a little high isn't it.

Sure there may never be another Winston Churchill. But does that mean that there will never be great leaders. Oh hell no!!

To say that there are some 'good' talkers out there who couldn't learn to be managers is just pure bull. Either that, or good ol' JR needs to get those glasses fixed. And/or his nose from beneath the ass that's he's kissed several years ago, who's chopping it to bits and waiting to fire his Oklahoma ass!

Let's focus on the WWE. Currently their managerial staff consists of Vickie Guerrero as the Smackdown GM and valet role with Edge, Matt Stryker and in a small tiny half wrestler/manager role in ECW.

Ranjah Singh, the manager for Khali is actually a writer fo rthe WWF. And he got written off of television for breaking his kneecaps taking an Undertaker bump. Why did he have to take that bump? As punishment for breaking character during the McMahon beerbath at the Raw anniversery show. *cough* double standard *cough*.

Then we have Teddy Long as her assisant. Helloooooooooo? Teddy Long!? Let's look a little closer into just a few who could indeed be managers, despite Jim Ross' absolutely idiotic McMahon blowing post in saying that 'there's just no one out there'. These are in no particular order.

Teddy Long
See the guy second from the left next to Butch Reed? That's, then WCW manager TEDDY FREAKIN' LONG! And he did a mighty great job of getting the team of Butch Reed & Booker T over as Doom. He was one of the best managers in WCW, and as today's wrestling fans can see, he's a mighty fine talker, an entertaining fellow and a vet of the sport. So you mean to tell me that using him in a managerial role to get over new talent is something that hasn't come up in those WWF production meetings? Are you serious!?! Jim...open your eyes!!
Am I the only one that thinks that Teddy Long is MISUSED in his on-air role as freakin' Assistant GM to Vickie Guerrero on Smackdown. It was funny for the first week, no..the first month..no, even the first 3 months! But this is a clear case of the great Teddy Long being misused. He coming out and saying the word 'playa' every week coupled with rolling Vickie around in her wheelchair is hardly what he should be doing. In an age that lacks managers, he should be on the top of the plane. Jim Ross, I call your blog bullsh*t!

I believe that the fact of the matter is that, while guys like Teddy Long may have job security, no one has a strong enough political role where they can step up and take on such a role and challenge Vince. I say challenge Vince in that Vince believes what's best for wrestling is what Vince thinks is what's best for wrestling (as opposed to what's truely best for wrestling)

Teddy Long is a fine talker and should be a manager in the manager-starved WWE. But if I were Teddy earning a fine dollar wheeling Vickie around, why ruffle the feathers, right?

Unfortunately there's slim to none footage of Teddy Long in WCW around on the next, but here's a taste him as a heel manager in 2003 for some of your newer fans that may have read JR's horrific blog.


The Coach
The Coach is an easy one. Now I know that you're all sitting there staring at your computer screen saying...WHAT?! But not the Steve Austin WHAT!? More in that 'what the hell are you saying' WHAT!? Well, let's face it. Coach is a horrible announcer. Colour. Lead. Interviewer. Whichever. He's deplorable. However you cannot disagree that he is a great non-wrestler/manager guy. Coach has always been entertaining in his role as Vince McMahon's assistant as well as GM of RAW. His over the top annoying character is absolutely perfect to link him up with a heel who can't talk. Link him up with some of those 'big guys who can't talk' that are in WWE development. Which would be most of them. It's been already proven by putting Coach in each of these roles (Assistant, Commentator, Raw GM) that he strives as an on-air character. But, no. Vince keeps trying to make him an wrestling announcer.


Vince just doesn't see the need for managers. That's really it. Nice try Jim Ross. Just say it instead of pretending that 'there's no one out there'. Hell, I'm better than Adamle. I'll take the job.

Moving right along T0...

Kenny Bolin
To quote Bobby "The Brain" Heenan..."Who?" Kenny Bolin is the lead heel manager and heel commentator for OVW Wrestling from Louisiana. OVW used to the developement territory of the WWE. Nearly all of the WWE's top guys came from OVW. Randy Orton, Kane, Batista, Mr. Kennedy, Festus -- all of them. The WWF recently dumped OVW for Florida Championship Wrestling, which goes hand and hand with the Hall Of Fame and all being held in Florida this year. There was a reason why the wrestlers kept talking about the Florida territory of the past at the WWE Hall Of Fame this year. Do you actually think that Vince would ALLOW them to talk about the territories -- unless he was involved. Well, now he is via moving the WWE's developement territory to FCW and abandoning OVW.

Anyway. Bolin is one of the great talkers in the sport. However, he's about 40, fat, he doesn't own a BBQ franchise and his last name isn't Levesque. As a result we won't be seeing him anytime soon WWE television. This guy comes out with the one-liners like no heel-commentator has done on the 'major' seen since the Heenan days -or - to be fair to Heenan, Lawlers' early heel commentating in the WWF was second to Bolin. Bolin managed the top heel stable called "Bolin" enterprises. Some of the current WWF superstars who were former clients of Bolin enterprieses include Mark Henry, Lashely, Lance Cade and a man who we'll soon see in the WWE ring, Justin Larouche. Here's a Kenny clip from almost 8 years ago. There's not much video of him around. But he was so quick with the mouth years ago -- imagine how great he is now. Yep. That's right Jim. Just no one out there who can talk.


Matt Stryker
With the headset on, even if you've never heard the man articulate, he just looks like a natural. Everyone who sees this guy talk for that fat tub of immobile nothingness...the Man on a Mission Viscera knows that Stryker is perfect in every way to become a top manager in the sport. Ahh.

Matt was not produced from the WWE. His angle was that from WCW. He never spent a second in WWE developemental. THAT is why we won't see Matt Stryker on RAW or Smackdown in a top program as manager (or wrestler for that matter) Why? Because he's not a product of Vince. He's a product of...*shudder* ECW! And we all know what Vince did with the rest of the WCW 'originals'.

I was going to post a video of Matt Stryker up there. But instead here's another Viscera - Undertaker match. YOu know the one that we've seen at least once per month for the last year. No, for the last 10 year, literally.


Jesse
Sounds like a long shot, right? But we all know that the focus of the Jesse & Festus team is put on Festus. So I'll just let this promo that Jesse does FOR Festus (you know, kinda like the way a manager does) do the talking.


Mike Chioda
Senior referee Mike Chioda. Why? Why not? It worked for Danny Davis! Heel refs are always cool. Bill Alfonso did it. Nick Patrick did it. And before there were them, there was Danny Davis! Watch the Hart do the screwing this time!


We need managers. I'm tired of hearing Great Khali say stuff that no one understands. It's bad enough he can do NOTHING in the ring. That monster...Koslov...ok he's a monster, we know. Get someone like Paul Heyman (yea, like that'll happen) to represent him and you've got the next Brock Lesner.

This is why we need managers folks....
This is why